Dear Self: Depression
It’s tough. Like really, really tough. Your body essentially feels like pin needles rubbing against one another as you try to maneuver through life. But you have to keep it together because no one really gets it. You have nothing to be sad about….they say. You shouldn’t be feeling this way. Not you. You’ve accomplished far too much and done more than the average person….so why do you feel so incomplete? Why do you feel so less than average? Do you even know what’s wrong anymore?
You don’t. It’s okay to hurt and not really know why. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes. You shouldn’t have life completely figured out yet but at the same time, you should…for the most part. Why all the stress? You are a college graduate for god sake. You have no one to care for but yourself, so at least there are no little mouths to feed. Technically speaking, you’ve beat the odds. But the fear of being a failure is such an overwhelming one. Perhaps you outdid yourself before and you can’t even live up to your own expectations. Or maybe you’re so busy trying to fulfill the wishes of others, you are sacrificing what makes you really happy.
…but what makes you really happy? I mean, do you even know anymore?
Self, you’ve acknowledged that you are losing this battle but…
…are you living or just surviving? What is life without living? I really hope you uncover your happiness soon. It feels like time is running out but you are stronger than this. I know you are.